The only word I can use to describe the whole task of becoming engaged is ‘surreal’ but it’s unlike any surreal I have previously experienced. Even now – just a week into being engaged – I think back to visiting the jeweller and wonder to myself, ‘how on earth did I even get there’? However, buying a ring was child’s play compared to the thought of actually asking another human being to marry me. In the weeks before proposing, Jane and I had talked about getting married and it all seemed like a fun idea providing plenty of smiles and giggles. To actually stand on the precipice though, between being a single man and being an engaged man, is something I can still barely comprehend.
In the days around the proposal the image that came to my mind was that of the prophet Moses standing before the burning bush and hearing the voice of God thunder, “Take off your shoes for the place on which you stand is holy ground.” How could I with all my vices, sins and inadequacies offer to Jane the promise of love for a lifetime? The whole concept, the very idea, is a mystery beyond me. After Moses removed his shoes he covered his face, afraid to look at God, not because God was bad but on the contrary, because God was so perfectly good. Before the Divine Majesty, Moses realised how unworthy he was. And this was me; the concept of proposing marriage rose up before me like a mighty mountain and I could only bow in trepidation before the grandeur of such an idea. Read the rest of this entry